Useless
by AlexLoneWolf
Summary: (Note: Once again, if you have not read at least up to Episode 28 of A New Hero, then please do not read this.) So, you really want to know how my life was back then? A glimpse, maybe? I'll tell you... I'll tell you one day of my life back then. It's up to you whether you feel it's the truth or not. It doesn't matter to me... Just don't say that I didn't warn you...


**Note: Just a short story I've written a while ago but never managed to upload until right now... For those who don't know, I haven't been doing so good and I'm pretty much out of my metaphorical anti-depressant. I won't bore you anymore of that junk. So anyway, I just decided to upload this since the tone of this story is pretty much how I'm feeling. I know I can respond to some reviews...but I'm not really in the mood...sorry... Anyway, you might want to listen to "Playing God" by Paramore. It gives a little of the tone and mood I'm feeling as well.**

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One day.

Just one day.

One day of my "childhood" is enough to cause anypony to think "How the hay could he go through that? He's lying." The truth is: I'm not. Believe it or not, it happened. So, I'm just going to explain to you how one day of my life back then was like. You decide if it's the truth or not.

I would wake up, possibly as any other pony at my age. However, I can still remember those uncomforting creaky sounds that protruded from my bed. It was also a bit stiff. There was a hint of softness then and there, but it wasn't exactly as soft as a cloud.

Opening my eyes in my room brought me to immediate darkness. Only silence filled the air. As far as I could remember, I used to be scared of this disturbing silence and darkness. I became used to it, though. I would lifelessly jump out of bed and hear only the clatter of my small hooves land on the ground.

Usually, everypony in the house was asleep. I had to go to school early. My sister started her school later, along with my parents' jobs. My father worked as a counselor, and my mother shifted between jobs every now and then.

I would walk alone in the dark and sometimes eerie hallway. I began my search for breakfast in the kitchen. I would eat toast or basically anything in the fridge I was able to make myself. After breakfast, I took in a deep breath, hoping for some miracle to occur at school. School was like a nightmare for me. Every day, the foals there always had something planned for me. I never stopped wondering: Why do these foals hate me so much? What did I ever do to them? I only tried to make some friends… I never harmed anypony… So why hurt me?

Nonetheless, it was inevitable. I had to receive my education, even if I had to survive every stunt and attack they pulled on me.

From home, I would walk all the way towards the school. I saw other foals being led by their parents, or even a group of foals walk together. I walked alone. I couldn't observe the other foals for too long, otherwise, they'd send me these eyes that just spoke "What are you looking at, creep?" Even seeing that look was enough to bring me really down, that is… if I wasn't already completely at the bottom.

Of course, I would walk inside the classroom in silence. I cautiously looked around, hoping that there weren't any dangers awaiting my path. But I spoke to nopony. Never. I just walked to my desk at the end of the classroom and isolated myself from the others.

Once the teacher began speaking, I could only sit there, sometimes being too distracted by thought of a sudden humiliating tactic being shot at me. I listened to the teacher sometimes. Other times, I was too afraid to.

I liked learning new things, however. Maybe that's why I was such an easy target for them. They saw me as what they liked to call a "nerd". I assumed that just being intelligent was an instant validation for being a "nerd". I couldn't help it. Why should I become as ignorant and stupid as them? Nonetheless, that didn't stop them from their daily routine.

Sometimes in the middle of the class, a pony would come up to me and ask me to "borrow" my answers. Of course, back when I was naïve, I fell victim to this old trap. But when I learned from my mistakes, I said no. It was a lose-lose situation either way. Either I become used or the humiliation towards me increases. The difference was…at least I kept my dignity… I think…

I also tended to stay away from the playground during recess at all times. The many bruises throughout my body assured me that. Instead, I remained with the teacher. Her presence seemed to make me a little more comfortable. She actually cared about me. But she was the only one, and I made no move to talk to her. Sure, I probably would have felt a little better if I talked with her, but I was too afraid. What if I had slipped one little word and there goes the only pony that cared? I just didn't want to have more enemies than I already did, and the teacher seemed too good for that…

After working on either school work or just drawing the emotions in my head, the bell eventually rang causing for the colts and fillies out from the playground back inside. As long as the teacher was in the classroom, I was safe. Sometimes, the foals managed to pull a move on me when she turned her back, but I was fortunate enough to be somewhat safe when she was in the classroom.

Of course, the time to go back home came. It wasn't like I was safe anywhere anyway. After the bell rang, I waited until all the foals left the classroom. Then, I slowly walked out, having the same fear that some colt may be waiting for me outside.

As I walked outside and was preparing for a quick trot towards home, I was suddenly pinned towards the wall of the schoolhouse. There, I saw three colts glaring at me with dumb smiles on their faces. I could only sigh and look away from them. Sure, I was afraid, but my father was much worse.

"Look at the foal we have here today." The colt holding me against my will spoke. "We were so bored in class today, but it looks like we'll finally have some fun with this little shrimp." They all laughed while I could only wait for the pain to commence. "Aw, look, he wants to cry." I didn't say anything… I just wanted it to be over…

Unexpectedly, one of them gasped. "She's coming!"

"Who?"

"The teacher! Let's get out of here!"

The colt's grip on me was released and they ran off from the schoolhouse. I slid to the grass and sat down, still feeling too gloomy to move. I heard some hoofsteps near me and stop by. I saw her beautiful appearance as she stood by me. But this beauty was not enough to make me feel better. "Alex? What are you still doing here?" She asked, wearing a saddlebag with her as she was ready to go home. I didn't answer and only looked at the floor. "Don't you want to go home?" I merely shrugged. "…do you need me to walk you home…?" I thought for a moment…but just shook my lowered head, taking no risks. "Um…okay… Well, I'll see you tomorrow, okay…?" I continued to remain silent. She stood there for a moment, possibly returning a worried face towards me. She sighed sadly and began walking.

Even from her bright presence, I could still feel a vibe indicating hesitation and slight regret.

Eventually, I walked home alone.

When I entered the door, I noticed my sister inside, yet it appeared that my parents weren't home at the time. I figured that they would be home in a few minutes.

I walked through the home that presented the contradicting surroundings that I should have actually belonged to. I hoped that my sister really wouldn't bother me on the way towards the room as she normally did, but I didn't really present that much of fear on my face. Predictably, before I could escape her field of sight, she spotted me and smirked. She quickly, in a cool manner, walked towards me and blocked my path. I could only silently sigh, knowing of the disastrous deed that would inevitably come after.

"Where are you going?" She asked.

"…room…" I softly spoke, almost in a whisper. I never made eye contact. I looked down towards the floor.

"Why? Don't you want to have some dinner first?" She inquired, presenting a hoof towards the kitchen. Remembering the time she ambushed my face with a piece of toast full of peanut butter and jelly, I shook my head and declined. I wanted to go to my room so badly. I was terribly afraid of my sister. Sure, she was just a girl that was a few years older than me, but that didn't matter. It was her physical appearance that frightened me; it was her darkened personality behind that face that contained so many lies. "Come on, just one little bite?"

I remained silent for a moment. "I just want to go to my room…" I responded, still very soft.

"Fine… Have it your way…" She moved to the side, still eyeing me with her signature smirk. I began walking down the hall, but I suddenly tripped and fell heavily to the floor. "Oops." She slipped with no real intention for an apologetic manner. As I began recouping my balance, lifting myself off from the floor, it turned out that she actually tripped me. It was no real surprise, though. As I finished pushing myself up, she was back in the kitchen again. I knew it wasn't the last thing she was going to do…she wasn't satisfied yet…

All I could do was sigh in my head and head towards my room. Once I was welcomed by the dark loneliness in my room again, I jumped on the bed. There was nothing else to do. It didn't matter as I was in no mood to do anything anyway. I couldn't escape from any of my problems. I couldn't deal with them. I didn't know what to do. I was lost. It was as…if I was in an infinite loop, bound to live through every pain and memory over and over again. …I even thought about doing something extreme sometimes… Every time I thought of it, I would try to shake it off, reminding me of what good it would do. I would also think that maybe something better and important in my life would happen if I just wait it out and endure everything that happened to me… But then the thought of it never coming true always followed.

All I could really do was nothing…because…I _was_ nothing… I laid on my bed and just closed my eyes, unfortunately waiting for the next day to just repeat the whole cycle again.

However…that wasn't the end of the day…not yet…

Something had suddenly grabbed ahold of my back leg, causing me to startle awake as I was dragged out of bed. Then, I felt a sharp pain when landing on the floor harshly. I didn't know what was going on. I would have panicked, but even I didn't have enough time to do that. It all happened so fast. After colliding with the floor, I began feeling so many sharp pains throughout my body, causing me to cry out. I could hear the smack of a leather strap against my body. Each sound left an unbearable sting on my most vulnerable areas.

After, what felt like hours, when my painful cries and grunts halted, I found myself crying, my tears were creating a pool of liquid in front of me. I believed my sweat joined them as well. Judging from the pain I felt, I also guessed my blood was present. I was panting, even releasing soft and fearful whimpers. When I received the chance, I turned my head to see that it was my father standing there. He was holding his leather strap in his mouth, staring at me with these eyes that were just life-threatening. I couldn't say anything.

After attacking my eyes for a moment, he left without a word, leaving the door open as some of the light from the hallway filled a bit of the doorway. The side of the room I was laying on was still in total darkness, all but my front side.

I began hearing some hoofsteps walk towards my door, causing me to release a quick and soft whimper, covering my head with my hooves and closing my eyes. However, they stopped at the door. I hesitantly lifted my head, opening one eye to see who it was. It was her. My dreaded sister.

She was standing in front of me in the doorway, leaning on it as she ate an apple. As always, she sent me that irritating smirk. She opened her mouth, took a bite of the apple, and chewed, all while looking at me. Once she swallowed, she opened her mouth again, but not to take a bite of the apple. She spoke.

"I guess that should teach you to not come in my room and purposely break my mirror, huh?" She announced, widening her sly smirk.

I could only form a slight agape of my mouth as I had no idea what she was talking about. After trying to fetch my reaction, she giggled with her mouth closed and shook her head. Then, she closed the door, leaving me on the floor in the darkness. I could hear her walk away.

All I wanted to do at that moment was crawl back towards my bed. I painfully pulled out my hooves and carefully pulled myself towards bed. Each movement created a stinging pain for me, causing me to release a few more tears. Finally, when I felt the bottom of my bed, I placed my hooves on the top and pulled myself towards it. The pain increased, causing me to cry out a little, but I tried to keep it quiet and soft, as I did not want my father to come back and hit me more. I released a heavy breath upon finally completing my task. I could finally rest now. My whole body was in pain, but I could at least be alone.

I wanted to go to sleep, but after that piercing experience, I couldn't immediately. As I lay there, pulling the covers over me as each part of my body was sore and thumping, I began thinking. Why had that happened to me? What did I ever do?

After thinking in silence for a moment, I realized and figured out what happened. I should have known she'd do something like this. It turned out that she actually just told another one of her fibs to father. It wasn't the first time something like this had happened. I dreaded every moment that took upon me all the pain and memories that still stay with me today. I don't know the motives behind her devious plan, but the reality was that she made a false claim against me, just to get him to beat me again. There was nothing I could do to change this. Nothing. I can specifically remember his reason being "I don't need proof." I had nothing to defend myself with and it wouldn't matter if I did. It just was…

The rest of the night, I could only wait until I fell asleep. Want to know the best part of the day was for me? Sleeping. That was the only time I could temporarily run away from it and feel painless. Nonetheless, I still had dreams to where reality seemed to sink and leak in. These nightmares always left me to find myself crying the next morning. I would wake up, feel dampness on my face, and find out that I had been crying in my sleep. Still… at least those nightmares didn't cause much pain as the real ones did.

In the end, I had to suck it all up and hope for the best, because I would most likely have to relive every single thing at school and home.

Sigh.

Call me a whiner if you wish. Call me a baby if you wish. Hurt me if you must. I've been through it all. I really don't know how much worse things can get. I really don't know.

Death?

No.

That would be a miracle.


End file.
